Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Tears Rolling Down My Cheeks

I am mortified, upset, embarrassed, angry, sad, regretful, happy, tearful and lost.

Today started off as a great day.  My parents are here and I am feeling content. Dad went golfing early in the morning and I left mom reading a book as I went to work. I slowly dug through my list and talked with coworkers as my day progressed. Then mom calls saying “OMG, are you on your way?” I said, “Yes.”

See we were attending a trunk show at an upscale store called Caymans.  My mom called because everyone was dressed in riches and I think she was feeling a little uncomfortable.  I arrived feeling excited and anxious to see what was going on at the store.  I found mom and she had saved me a seat.  I proceeded to get some food and sit down to eat.  I was already stressing over feeling uncomfortable because the chairs were sitting so close and I knew that I would be very squished while eating.  However, I wanted to talk to my mom and enjoy myself. 

Well not two minutes after sitting down to eat, did the chair break on me.  It actually happened as I was turning to get up but still it happened.  I do not think this would be that bad of a situation unless you realize that I am extremely overweight.  Knowing this now, what do you think was going through my mind?  I was upset but trying to ignore what happened. 

A girl saw immediately what happened and said to me, “Oh those chairs they are so troublesome” but could imagine what she was thinking.  I then left to go to the makeup counter to see what was new.  Anything to get away but also in my mind is the only thing I can look at is makeup.  I cannot fit into any of their clothes so the makeup counter is a comfortable area to me.  I think this is also why I buy lots of makeup because I feel like it is an area that I can deal with while not dealing with my weight or not acknowledging the problem. 

Well I felt terrible because my mom was sitting in the chair wondering where I went.  I went over to tell her that I was really embarrassed and could not sit down in the chairs again because I was so worried that it would happen again.  After wandering around the store for a while, they told us the show was going to start and I just felt sick to my stomach because everybody was taking a seat and I just could not sit down. I then told my mom, that I needed to leave because I was upset. I made sure she was ok because she was dealing with some issues herself.  She said she understood but I really felt that I had let her down by not staying with her. 

As I left the store, tears rolled down my cheeks.  So many thoughts were going through my mind.  Why? Why? The funny part was I truly was not worried about the people and their thoughts but what I was feeling inside me.  I was mortified with myself!!!

Thoughts kept going through my head that I need to lose weight, I need to change, I need.., I need.., I need….  But I only could think of food.  Please do not remember this last sentence as a cry for food but as true hunger.  I was then embarrassed that I needed to eat.  What is wrong with this statement? 

As humans we have to eat but this situation put so many thoughts in my mind that I was beating myself up on eating.  I continued to be sad and cried all the way back to my office but told myself I was going to reflect on this experience.  Being overweight is not only physically uncomfortable but also mentally uncomfortable. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Slow Cooked Pumpkin Oatmeal

I have been on a roll using my slow cooker and last night decided to try to cook pumpkin oatmeal overnight.  It worked and was delicious.  Here is the recipe:

1 can pumpkin or 3 cups fresh pumpkin (peeled, seeded and cut into chunks)
5 cups water
1 and a 1/2 cups steel cut oatmeal
1/4 cup agave syrup or sweetener of your choice
1 TBS brown sugar (I omitted this time because I do not like my oatmeal sweet)
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt

Mix all ingredients very well in slow cooker.  Cook overnight for 6- 8 hours on low.  Will come out very creamy and delicious after stirring in morning.  I added unsweetened coconut and slivered almonds plus a little bit of walnuts that were left over.

This recipe makes a lot, around 8 cups so cut in half if needed but I am going to try and freeze some for later use.  I also am going to try freezing in an ice cube tray to add flavor to yogurt.  Will let you know the results in a later post.  Enjoy!

Monday, September 19, 2011

September Birch Box

Have you heard of Birchbox?  I hadn't until recently when I was on Pinterest and found someone talking about this small box with makeup samples that is shipped each month for $10.  So with further research I found myself intrigued by this little box.

This past Saturday, my first box arrived and I immediately opened it to lots of goodies. What could be inside this box? Watch my video review and forgive the lighting in the video.  Not sure what was going on.


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